Of course, John Brownstone has that right too. I reserve the right to make it a hard limit if it really bothers me. Soft limits, from my perspective, are the things I’m unsure of but I’ll try at least once. And there’s a reason we focus on them – making someone do something they desperately don’t want to do is a violation and it shows a lack of consent (or even an understanding of the importance of consent).īut that’s not the only conversation you should have about limits. No judgement, y’all, but I admit I’ve wondered. What sounds so gross, disgusting, and horrible that we (kind of, sort of) wonder what might be wrong with people who do like it. We, as kinksters, focus on hard limits a lot. I think that’s probably a good lesson for life in general, but let’s stick with the kinky side of things for right now. The first thing, though, is to know your own limits and how far you’re willing to go. In one word, he knows how I feel about it.
Sure, we joke and laugh about it, (and I might still do that vanilla thing later) but it’s a form of communication that works well for us. He knows if I throw a safeword out, even in a vanilla conversation, that I’m serious about not wanting to do something. And sometimes, we’re referencing something in our vanilla life.ĭo I want to drive to a busy international airport without him? Red.ĭo I want to walk into a crowd of strangers and randomly introduce myself? Red, red, red-dy, red-red.Ĭonversations about our limits (both hard and soft) permeate our entire life. 4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.When John Brownstone asks me to do something I really don’t want to do, I’ll jokingly yell, “Red! Red! Red-dy, red-red!” (Red is my safeword, y’all.) He knows it means I don’t want to do it, and I really mean it.3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an occasional basis.2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it were asked of you.0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it.NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit)."?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe. For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender. For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity.For each item, you need to provide two answers as follows: Switches should go through the checklist twice one persons Dom and sub interests may vary widely.
Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them.
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